A season of change.
Change is constant, growth is a choice.
That saying has been on repeat in my head all summer, and it's something I have been embracing for a long time.......but it's hitting differently now. I am in a season of change, like my very own Rennaissance. I am navigating what it means to no longer have a mother, wow.......it's so weird to say that. That change alone is scary, even though I have lived on my own since I was 17 years old, knowing I had parents who had my back was grounding and comforting. My dad is my rock, and he's doing amazing, but this season of life where I have a child at home and aging parents, they are calling all of us Gen X kids, "Sandwich Generation". We are the inbetweeners, truth be told I don't like this part of my season of change, it's hard to see the people you love decline mentally and physically.
Change is here with my daughter, who just started Middle School. She is in a new school, with new kids and a whole new routine. We are no longer in the comfort of one teacher all day, and one set of classmates. There are now 6 teacher, 6 classrooms, SO MANY new kids and she has to navigate this huge school with only 4 minutes to get from class to class. We just had back to school night, and the parents had to follow their child's schedule......so I had 10 minutes with each teacher and 4 minutes to get from classroom to classroom......it literally felt like a sprint the whole night. It's an emotional time, helping her navigate a LOT of homework, new friendships and a whole new environment.
Change is here with some of my closest relationships, friendships that I thought were going to be lifelong have come to an abrupt end. I have always had a very close circle of friends, a LOT of acquaintance's but only a few true friends, so this change for me is really hard. There's no animosity, I have loved having them in my life, but the universe is closing those doors to open up space to new relationships, new possibilities for me. Other friendships that are just starting are changing because of relocations, these changes are bittersweet - while I am happy for my friends' new chapters, I will miss connections I have created with them.
Change is here with me; I am 5 months away from turning 50. Its truly crazy to me, I don't feel 49 1/2....I mean what does that even feel like? The number is just a number, to me it's more of a milestone than anything else. Yes, I have more body aches than I did at 40, and more grey hair. I have to say though, it's really freeing to be this age. The strength - emotional, mental and physical strength I have now vs. me at 30.......I wouldn't trade being younger for anything. Going through my mom's illness with her this past year, I could not have done that at 30, so in a weird way I am actually excited for my birthday next year.
My growth affirmation: I am growing through what I am going through.
